This is a very fitting lesson from God, given that Halloween is right around the corner! God has me in a season of facing my fears. And it’s both terrifying and refreshing to see how He’s molding my character to make me more like Him.
This season started in June, and it’s still going on. It started with two friends betraying me. Then, I quit my job to move back in with my parents. Then, I got confronted at work about something I don’t know how to fix.
Basically, without giving too much detail, several people who have wronged me in the past are in my life again. I’ve set up boundaries for my own mental health, but I feared ever speaking to them again. God is softening my heart to one of unconditional love and impartiality.
Second, if you really know me, you’d know I crave stability — yet God called me to quit my job after 9 months to become a reporter, something I dreaded in the past and told myself I’d never do again. Not to mention, I don’t like confrontation so when someone confronts me and I don’t know the solution to the issue, I panic. Though interviewing was hard at first, I’ve gotten more of a hang of it now. I’m also learning to be confident that God approves of me, and if He called me to something, I need to move forward boldly and joyfully no matter what people say. I’m still trying to move out, so I’m still living in an uncomfortable place of both physical and financial instability (also with my health, but that’s another story)…but for now, God is teaching me to “laugh without fear of the future” (Prov. 31) no matter what my circumstances.
Finally, I have several things in my life I haven’t mentioned here that I’m also uncertain about. They’re things I’m currently investing lots of time into. And I hope that’s God’s will, because as a planner, uncertainty is a threat — spontaneity is not my cup of tea. Yet I must say, I’ve been pleasantly surprised in the past — God is teaching me to be more dependent on His timing and provision than ever before. Thankfully, I’m not the master planner — He has the right to interrupt my plans, and He knows better anyway so it’s good (even though I may wrestle with God a bit at first!).
Betrayal, instability and uncertainty aren’t fun things to learn to be OK about. They’re terrifying. Naturally, a lot of us fear those things. But God doesn’t want us to fear. So He’s making me face those fears head-on to teach me that “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). The only thing I should fear is Him — because He wants what’s best for me and will never withhold what I need.